Tales from the Creationist Museum

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All across America and the world, fundamentalist Christians, who believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible, are building Creationist museums.  They totally reject the findings of science, the ideas of Darwin, the Theory of Evolution.  Within these creationist indoctrination centers, funded by the Jew supremacists who wished to keep the goyim herd dumbed down and clueless, are staged reliefs of humans living with dinosaurs.

Desperate to keep their faith alive in the age of science, Creationists are promoting the literacy of the Bible, God made the world in seven days, all of the animals were created on the same day and they all live peacefully together.

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In the perfect creation all animals lived happily together, until one day a carnivorous dinosaur decided to be true to it’s nature.  On that day a velociraptor noticed that God was not around watching his creation and it decided to sin and act against God’s wishes, on this day this velociraptor decided to eat the human boy named Adam, this is the tale of Adam and the velociraptors.

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God’s favorite creation Adam was playing with some ground squirrel pets when the velociraptor started stalking Adam, he sneek around some palm fronds and then with lightning speed the velociraptor pounced on Adam tearing at his flesh with his powerful claws.  Adam let out  blood curling screams as he was gutted alive and this alerted the velociraptor pack which came running licking their chops.  Never before in the Garden had such trauma and screams been heard.

The velociraptors made short work of the defenseless boy, they played tug o’ war with his body, they tore Adam from limb to limb, gorging themselves on the soft white flesh of the hairless human.  Within seconds, Adam was dismembered and eaten alive by God’s perfectly created velociraptors.

When God returned he noticed the blood stains and torn clothes and asked what happened to his favorite creation Adam, the human created in his image.  As the velociraptor pondered what to say this was when the first lie entered the world, the velociraptor decided to lie to God, the velociraptor told God he saw Eve take Adam to the Caveman Motel and he hadn’t seen him since.  God, being God, knew that was a lie because, for one thing, he could see part of Adam’s scalp stuck in the velociraptor’s teeth, not to mention the large area of torn forest floor and blood stained dirt.

God became angry, and it takes a long time for God to get angry because God is slow to anger, and on this day God became very angry at the lying dinosaurs.  So God decided to cleanse the world of sin and created a huge flood which drowned all the dinosaurs, but God, being merciful spared Noah and his wife Eve (who was now a whore for sleeping with more than one man), and they lived happily ever after for 780 years and Eve beared over 500 children.  This is why there are no longer any dinosaurs and why we find dinosaur bones in the ground.

The moral of this story is never lie to God or you might incur his wrath, and never play with squirrels if there are velociraptors around.  Never let anyone tell you the earth is millions of years old and that dinosaurs lived long before humans, it is obvious that humans and dinosaurs coexisted until that first dinosaur sinned.

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2 thoughts on “Tales from the Creationist Museum

  1. Darwin proved evolution only within a species. His later works have yet to be proven.
    Now, take a hard look at your smart phone and tell me how it came to be. Then tell me how you came to be. Both required the intervention and manipulation of existing materials by someone to exist in their present form. They were CREATED. You did not just accidentally form over time just like your smart phone did not just come into being. You were CREATED. And so, where did the material to create us come from? GOD created it. And so, where did GOD come from? He has always existed.

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